What fake dick should I buy?

I got a series of Drunk snapchats from a girly while I was in the theater watching “How to be Single” after I posted this snapchat:

New Q&A (link in bio) lol I got a few drunken snaps from a girl, which all came about from this snap. “What fake dick should I buy?”

A video posted by Xox Jade 🐙💕🎀 (@hankypankyharlot) on

SNAP RESPONSE #1: “I want to be you! I want to be single, I don’t want to be single. I want a boy to not be single. I’m pathetic.”

hahaha First and foremost, you are not pathetic.  I really want to stress that and tell you in depth instead of a small two second response back.  It’s not pathetic to be single, it’s actually quite liberating being a single woman in this sex crazed era.  😛 Maybe you should go see “How to be Single“, it was pretty funny. The whole movie was about how knowing yourself makes you a beautiful person.  A significant other doesn’t make you who you are and don’t let them change you.

SNAP #2: Why are you so confident in being single? I want that. (( now this is the part where she did a bunch of drunk sloppy sad faces… which was super freaking cute btw hahahaha))

SNAP #3:  You’re sooooooooo pretty, you got boyfriends. Blessed! ((Throws hands in the air)) I want a boyfriend! ahhhhhh.

Goodness. woman.  Thanks for thinking I got boyfriends, but I don’t even have one boyfriend let alone adding that plural madness to the end of that statement. hahaha  I’m not confident in being single. I’m confident in being ME! as you should as well, you’re freaking cute as hell! Your personality is gold! So, if you got it, FLAUNT IT! Confidence is key and others will notice it.

Dating is different nowadays that’s all. 🙂  I was completely joking on my snapchat, as with most of my snapchat stuff on my story.  I’m not “BLESSED” as you think and i’m in the same boat as any single girl.  I’m doing the online thing, the location based dating apps… etc. etc and i’m not lucky at all.  TRUST ME.   I know my online persona of Hanky Panky Harlot, only talks about sex, toys and all kinds of freak nasty but with that madness aside, I am a girl just like you. <3  ^_^ We all want to be courted, we want to feel like we matter as a person and at the end of the day we want someone to share our day with.   I believe in co-existing with someone and I never tap on the romance side/dating because I get SUPER salty. haha But, I get it and when I drink, it all comes pouring out.  I’m not telling you that someday your prince will come and sweep you off your feet because let’s be real, guys don’t know how to do cute gestures anymore. 😉 But, I hope that you find your Carl Fredricksen someday.

In the meantime, I will answer your last snap haha <3

SNAP #3: I missed your Vibrators 101 workshop. I want a fake dick because boys don’t want to be my boyfriend.  What fake dick should I buy?

haha Straight and to the point. I’d rather have you playing with a “fake dick” than dealing with f**k boys or anything that doesn’t deserve your goodie bits.  Until you find Mr.Right, you might like these Mr. Right-Now, Battery Operated Boyfriend. Or plural. BOYFRIENDS. 😛

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(side note: I did get permission to post her funny, silly drunk rants, as I usually do.  But, I felt like I needed to post clarification since this is NOT the first drunken, “I need a vibrator” rant I’ve encountered.)

One Reply to “What fake dick should I buy?”

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