Category Archives: Bitch Tips

It’s 20-16. Try a new Lube.

I have such a hard time attempting to try anything new.  *LUBE SNOB over here!*

It’s like when you get that bomb D.  SO GOOD.   But, you think, “ehh Thug life, I’m going to try something new”.  But, it ends up being mediocre or you just want to play the ultimate COMPARISON game.  Now, you’re comparing all the pro’s and con’s on D #1 and D #2.  But, not really just enjoying the fact that you got some.

This is my exact approach on trying new lubricants.  HORRIBLE right?  I’m being so close minded!  How will I know if anything else out there might rock my socks off?  So, since today is day #1 in the year 20-16!  New year, new you! Let’s add this to the new addition to your New year’s Resolutions!

Try a new Lube.

Anything! Something New!  Even if it’s just a plain water based lubricant, a flavored lube or you might want to get a little daring with a cooling lube!  Grab something you normally wouldn’t try or a brand you have eyed down for a while.  What do you have to lose?  It’s all TRIAL and ERROR anyways.

Below, is my Quick Guide to figuring out what type of lube you need!

Once, you’ve figured that out, get out there!  Visit an adult shop!

Many shops carry trial size lubes or smaller bottles, so your wallet doesn’t have a heart attack at how much you might end up spending.  They have pillow packs that usually are under $3.  This is a great inexpensive way to try a variety of lubes before committing to a bigger bottle.  The Pillow packs are great to travel with as well!

pillow pack

If you want any suggestions, just shoot me a message below.  😀

We are not a directory of all things XXX related.

Sometimes, people seem to think that since we work at an adult shop we know where to get anything “adult” like.  Sometimes we do!  aaaand sometimes we don’t (sorry?) We have the same access to the internet like you do.  So finding certain businesses and information are a lot more attainable than back in the day.  It’s okay to ask but don’t get huffy puffy if the adult store employee doesn’t know or want to tell you where other places are like strip clubs, nearest dungeon, weed shops and especially another adult store is. 😛 Sometimes we just don’t know, where the epicenter of XXX is all the time.  I don’t think that you would automatically answer questions to random strangers all the time. haha Soooo Ask politely, have something to jot notes down on and hope for the best. 😀

I’ve been working a few morning shifts as of lately and noticed my main directory questions has been about… arcades.  Not all adult shops are old school and have arcades or previewing rooms anymore.  Now that we are in the computer era, phasing out booths, theaters, Videos and now DVDs. It has been a mission for those folk that it does cater to.  So, lucky you! if you live in the SFV I made a mini map of the places that have preview rooms and you can get your wank on. Expect a bit of sleaze and possible gloryholes. lol

Respect the Help.

Respect is a thing that customers consistently forget when dealing with retail employees.

Adult Shop employees are no exception and in my opinion they deserve more respect more so than normal because of the environment and the delicate conversation that occurs.

Don’t talk down to them.

Treat adult shop employees as equals.  Your career, education level or annual income is not taken into consideration to them.  We are all on the same level since the topic of conversation is sexuality and adult products.  Depending on where you go, you can get some quite intelligent people or possibly gross people who you think should never multiply.  But, that’s just like any other place of business.

I don’t know how many times people talk down to me because of where I work.   AS IF, they are better than me?!?! NEWSFLASH.  I CHOOSE TO WORK THERE.  I have gone college and do have a degree.  I love sex education and TOYS!!! So, you can understand my frustration when that happens.  Even though I want them to walk out with that cyberskin toy paired with a silicone, just to be mean…. I won’t.   Adult shop employees usually have your best interest in mind.  Just be nice and respect them.  Chances are you might get some extras like free lube samples, smart advice and hell… maybe even a discount. haha

Be nice. Be patient and always ask questions if necessary.  😀

Doc Johnson’s Wonderland Massager

WonderlandSometimes, massagers have hiccups. These are a few troubleshooting tips I give to some customers and usually it fixes the situation.

  • troThere is a sticker that tells you the direction on how to put the battery in. Sometimes, the adhesive isn’t that great and tends fall down by the connector at the base and it gets a bit wonky.  The sticker blocks the connection from the battery to the toy.  It’ll either not work at all, only sometimes, or it won’t skip through the various functions smoothly.  Grab some tweezers, so you can take the sticker out.
  • Make sure the positive (aka the “+”, the nipple of batteries) is facing down when you drop it in.  If not, and it’s flipped the wrong way, it will have a continuous 1 speed vibration.
  • Make sure the spring on the cap is a-ok.  By that, I mean isn’t bent.  It needs to connect with the battery to make it work.

These toys have a few features that make it distinct and you’d know if it is defective.  (It says on the box: pic below)

2015-03-20 15.59.42


Doc Johnson has a 90-day warranty for defective products. Only downer is you have to pay $15 bucks for shipping and handling in order for anything to move forward including age verification.  Maybe I’m just lazy but I’d rather just buy a new toy.  The shipping and handling is 1/3 the price of buying a new one. *shrug*

Earth Day

The last thing you think about when it comes to having sex and using sex toys is being conscientious about your carbon footprint left on earth.

So, this year’s Earth Day, I’m just going to share a few things that you can tweak in your love life while helping mother earth at the same time!

  • Save up and invest in quality sex toys! Getting a great sex toy has so many benefits both long-term and short term!
    If you decide to buy a vibrator, grab one that has quality material and is possibly rechargeable.  Quality sex toys have a longer lifespan, so you won’t have to replace the toy constantly.  This decreases in waste (Wall-E will love you for it!) and battery consumption!  Single use batteries and Rechargeable batteries have toxic and hazardous materials inside which means itshould be recycled.  But many people usually have a  “fuggit” mentality and just toss them in the trash  AAAND the same goes for old sex toys that die.  Decrease waste by having nice things! haha How can you say no to that?!?  haha

    • So, grab a toy that is non-toxic, hypoallergenic, high grade premium materials. Some of the best vibrating toys are made with 100% premium silicone!  If you’re looking for a vibrating dong.  Choose one with a removable bullet because then once that bullet dies you can just replace that instead of the whole darn thing!
    • Another great material for toys is Glass!  It’s one of the most hygienic material out there and it can be broken down and recycled.
    • USB powered Vibrating toys decrease on batteries as well! They aresignificantly cheaper than rechargeable and you can use them while you’re browsing porn on your computer. 😛  There isn’t a lot of the menu for these type but my faves are:
    • Wood Toys!  If you wanna be ultra hippy and love beautifully crafted sex toys visit:
      NobEssence™ sculptures are organic, waterproof and hypo-allergenic. Our sustainably farmed woods are firm from the start – warming to your passion and retaining your heat.  NobEssence™ exotic hardwood sculptures deliver uniquely luxurious sensations –firm, silky smooth, clean and visually irresistible.”
    • Another cool toy material is Stone! Laid has Stone toy made from granite and it is the perfect shape for the body to be a Smoooooth operator.
  • Grab some condoms that are made with natural, Fair Trade rubber!  Latex is Latex and you may not see the direct result of it but why not grab condoms that are fair trade and good for the laborers who go to the rubber trees!  Fair Trade rubber does cost alittle bit more but it helpsthe quality of life for the workers with all the things we take for granted like clean drinking water, electricity, having a roof over their head and education!  Remember these brands the next time you need to grab a pack of condoms!
  • Grab a lubricant that is an all natural or organic alternative.   There are somany different options now in comparison toa couple years back.  Older lubricants had so many filler ingredients that were petroleum based, or hadparabens. So, now! you can now just be completely knock those off your shopping list.   Also, you don’t haveto be a hippy and only use coconut oil.    There are many lubricants that might make your vagina so much more happier.  The following are a few of my favorites <3 they are latex & polyisoprene condom compatible, toy safe and are friendly for your body!
  • Can’t forget the BDSM folk! and For all those Flogging lovers! No need to fear there is at least a fabulous flogger out there made from Recycled Rubber!

Hopefully, these tips for tweaking your shopping list will give you a little bit of motivation to giving Mother Earth the attention and love she deserves.

Don’t ask for piercings and body piercing jewelry.

Don’t come into an adult shop thinking that you can get pierced or buy the jewelry here.

If you’re looking to get pierced, be a smart human being and go to an actual piercing shop.  They specialize in that and are trained professionals and have a sterile environment for that.

Yes, some piercings are made to make sex enjoyable but piercings are more of a specialty type of thing.  Especially their jewelry!!!   It’s like going to Claire’s and buying some of their cheap jewelry and wondering why it’s tarnished and turning you green.  Why would you buy crap ass jewelry when it’s going in and on your body?!?  Treat your body with respect and go to a shop or buy online where they have high quality jewelry.

So, if you come into an adult shop and they look at you weird when you ask for belly button rings.  Just realize we sell sex toys and what not.  I haven’t encountered any sex toys for belly buttons or anyone who fucks belly buttons on the daily haha but when they start making it, i’ll be sure to tell everyone to stock it. 😛

… and since everyone and their mom’s keep asking me where they wanna get poked.

If you are in the Los Angeles area.  I recommend Studio City Tattoo & Piercing. You can check out their Yelp since they have 5 stars of goodness.



…now get out muh face with that nonsense & go buy a dong haha

Always Battery Test before you leave!

Some sex toys are just like any other type of electronic toy, there is always the possibility of hiccups and things that can go wrong.  Sometimes, Sex toys are troopers and can last for years but then there are times where their life span is only a few days.   Then, when you bring batteries into the mix, it can add a whirlwind of pro’s and con’s.  That’s why I always recommend you get your toy Battery tested before you leave the store! By doing so, you will cut your chances of having a defective or dead toy.     Majority of the Adult store’s out there lately battery test and this allows you to understand and see if your toy is in working order.

Oh and please refrain from the “oh, we get to test it here? giggity giggity” or “you’re going to test it on yourself? ;)” it’s been said and old.  

What I mean by testing a toy is the employee will put the appropriate batteries that the toy is calling for and makes sure if it is suppose to vibrate, it is… or if it swirls or shoot lasers, everything is in working condition.  If you have questions on how it works, now would also be the prime time opportunity to do so.

Once you leave  a store, very rarely, do they allow you to return them.  Also, just like any type of electronic they are ones that are defective.  It’s better to safe than sorry! because no orgasms for you if you get home and it’s a no go!

Don’t ever attempt to return sex toys at a store.

First off, that is just nasty.

I’ve never been one to return items that I purchase unless it’s super dire.  So, when the situation comes up where people attempt to return things that are “Personal items” aka stuff that would touch your junk, I get a little grossed out.  But, sometimes I’m shocked that people think its okay to return used items.

  • I get that you may not even used it! You may have left the store for an hour, but how am I suppose to know?
  • I get that you… think YOU cleaned them enough for another person to touch it. But, it’s like me touching my junk and trying to shake your hand after.
  • I get that you… would want to shop at a location that didn’t sell used products … right?!? (

But, how am I suppose to know? Would you touch used sex toys if you don’t know who last touched them?   There are so many situations and you just don’t know.  So, at my work we take precautions.

so! PRO-TIP. Don’t try and return anything at an adult shop.

It’s just awkward for the associate and you should really ask for help and make sure that the product you buy is what you think might work for you.  Just keep in mind anytime you buy a toy, it’s a gamble.   Everyone’s body is different, sometimes it works and sometimes a toy is just horrible.

I get the line, “THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS?!?!?!”… seriously… throw it away? or be a gnarly mofo and sell it on craigslist haha there are some pervy folks who’d buy it. haha

#CommonSense Use it. 🙂


Happy National Peanut Butter Day!

Well, kids. Time to celebrate and get foodsexual. It’s National Peanut Butter Day!  As much as peanut butter is a staple in any poor man’s pantry, It’s also a necessity for your sexual health!

Women! Peanut Butter is pretty high in monounsaturated fats which can  improve your blood cholesterol levels.  Which means you can decrease your risk of Heart disease (the #1 killer in women) and increase your dopamine! Dopamine is the chemical released in a person’s body that helps nerve cells communicate and send signals to each other.  So, bring on the dopamine and increase those female sexual pleasure levels!

Men! Peanuts in general are high in zinc!  So, if you want your testosterone production to be on point while increasing sperm count and what not put peanut butter on your grocery list.

So, hop to it and eat that Peanut Butter and work on that sexual health the “Foodsexual” route. <3


Get it Right! Get it… Tights?

Do you have a pile of tights that have toe holes?

…OR pantyhose that have so many runs it ran it’s own marathon times 1000 miles?

…OR a bunch of thigh highs that are missing its pair??

Well… A! Welcome to my life haha

and B! Did you know that since obviously we can’t send them off to the goodwill… and Wall-E doesn’t want you to dump it in the garbage cans… you can actually RECYCLE them!!!

No Nonsense has a pantyhose recycling program! “The impact may seem small at first, but every pair that you help to recycle is one less pair that’s left to decompose in a stagnant landfill.  …you will feel good, knowing that you are doing your part to offset your carbon footprint when you participate in the pantyhose recycling program.”

I have so many tights that have runs that I don’t think I can pull off the tattered “punk” look all the time.  So, this week I think i’m going to do some belated “spring cleaning”, get rid of the old, make some room and… bring in the new stuff!

Thought I’d share for all you pantyhose whores like I am. 😉