Category Archives: Thoughts

My hands are so rough…What does a girl have to do to give him a handjob without feeling like a cheese grater?

“…It’s embarrassing. My hands are so rough because of  work and they are rougher than his.  I want to touch him without being embarrassed. What does a girl have to do to give him a handjob without feeling like a cheese grater?  I’m sure his penis is confused when I give him a blowjob since my hand feels like a man but my mouth feels like a woman…”

Holy crap, woman. I love you hahaha You went from 0 to 100 and it made reading my messages so entertaining this morning. For once it’s not another butt stuff question. Haha. First off, I think you are fabulous for being a woman who works with her hands.

I’m sure everyone and their moms are telling you with their bougie voices, “OHHHH just get a manicure!!!” 0_0 I get it. You’re not alone, I have a body builder galfriend who has the same woes as you. Manicures aren’t going to fix the constant roughness and I don’t expect you to plan your sex life around your last skin treatment.

Like most things in the adult toy industry, there are products out there that you didn’t even know existed. Haha Some require a bit of prep work and are a bit …different looking.  I know in the back of your head, you’re wishing you could just replace your hands or cove glove and you’re good! …and when I say funky… I really mean it.

The reason I think they are funky isn’t because of their purpose, it’s because I’m judging a book by its cover.  They make it so you have to literally put yourself out there and put on your most sexy face on, put some skanky lingerie and some “f*ck me” hells on because the contraptions look like your going to attack his junk and it’s gonna hurt hahaha it’s not… but it looks like it.  I don’t personally know you but from what you’re asking for these might not be it. But I’m gonna show you anyways so I’m not leaving anything out. This gloves are literally squishy similar to the material of stretchy cock rings. So, you’d have to lube your hands up a bit to put it on or else your hands are going to be skidding on in. Then, you lube up his member with a water-based lubricant and get down to handjob town. They can be used on you as well, if you like to play crotch dj on yourself. BUT, they look like a hot mess. Almost like you’re trying too hard, which isn’t sexy. Thus, the reason why you might have to compensate looking sexy because this glove will put you down a few notches on the sexy scale. Haha He might not even think it’s that big of deal in comparison to you. But let’s keep the ball rolling.

What I’d love to recommend is just getting a sleeve. They come in all shapes, colors, sizes, and various textures. It’s a bit easier to just grab a sleeve, insert it and stroke it. Sleeves also allow you to be able to gauge on how much pressure you’d like to give him.

Made by the folks at Blush Novelties, this small stroker enhances a handy with its ribbed inside and is Glow in the Dark!

I think the ones that literally the size of your palms and are only a couple of inches are perfect! It won’t take away too much from the visual appeal of the hand job and make it look like you aren’t shoving his dick in some weird rubber orfice.

The ultimate BJ Helper from Doc Johnson. A small sleeve with soft massaging beads inside to give great shaft pleasure.

These smaller sleeves are great if you want to do a handjob and blowjob combo since it allows space for your mouth on top. Which is also helpful if you want the effect that you’re deepthroating but you just can’t get it all in there so you can stroke the shaft and give him pleasure that way as well.

Softest glove you’ll ever love! Haha Simple and straight to the point. It’s a masturbation sleeve. That’s all haha

There are longer sleeve for the more well endowed man… OR! To cover the penis completely and won’t let your hand scrape him up “cheese grater style”. Haha 😛 It also is nice to give a great massage on the head of the penis going up and down since it’ll feel like its being inserted into whatever hole his imagination is working with.

This stroker has been a big seller to many men. Doc Johnson got it right when it came to this one for the larger penis owners. 😀

Keep in mind some of the longer sleeves have an open end and others have a closed end for easier cleanup.

Vibrates has this “love glove” called Maven and it’s a closed ended masturbation sleeve. It looks like a some sea creature out of water but it does the trick!

 

Oldie but goodie! This has been around for awhile but customer keep coming back for it.

You could also just go the Fleshlight route but it really depends because it’s not in true handy-fashion. Haha

If you feel you can get away with trying a super awesome lubricant. Why not try using Stroke 29.

This masturbation cream has one mission in life and that is just to stroke a dick. It’s not made for sex or condoms but it’s a hit for a man’s solo time!

This masturbation cream  has natural oils in it so I don’t recommend hopping on after your hand-y session since it’ll mess up with your vag’s ph balance.  Stick to hands since the ingredients aren’t compatible with normal stuff like condoms.  This cream gives enough friction to give pleasure but glides for great sensation. I’ve had several male customers become fans of it.

I gave a handful of suggestions of adult products you can try. You can snag any of these online or at your nearest adult boutique. They will have many other similar items. Just remember if you guys have a latex allergy you might have to choice a stroker made out of silicone (I can send recommendations if that’s the case). I commend you for trying your best to pleasure your man even against all odds haha and I hope this helped! <3


If anyone would like to try out a trial size packet of Stroke 29, I can snail mail it to you! Just send me a $1 for postage 😀

Go to: https://cash.me/$hankypankyharlot and under “optional note” write your Name & mailing address! <3 I’ll mail it the following day!

Valentine’s Day Countdown!

One of my favorite holidays is Valentine’s Day!   A pretty odd holiday to love but it’s so nice that all that Valentine’s Day entails is all OPTIONAL.

So, if you do anything nice for your friends and loved ones, it means more than christmas or a birthday since those are almost a mandatory type of deal.   They usually will never expect anything since it’s geared towards couples. You can be sincere! It’s a day where you can show your true cheesey romantical side without being judged.  #BroMance

I can’t wait for all the love to come spewing out of everybody! Show your friends you care. Hell! Get them a vibrator so they can have self-love than no love at all that day!

 

dwight Valentine

The Force Awakens

With the new Star Wars movie coming out, it awakened my inner craft goddess since the last time I made some Sex Toy inspired goodies.  So, I  thought i’d share my fun nipple clamps I made the other day.  Hope you like em!

I’m being #Geeky #Kinky #Crafty again. Just finished these #starwars themed #nippleclamps. 😎 nbd

A photo posted by Xox Jade 🐙💕🎀 (@hankypankyharlot) on

Got a little crafty again tonight. 💅 #nippleclamps my crafty #starwars version 💛#R2D2 #c3po #nippies #Bdsm #kinkytoys

A photo posted by Xox Jade 🐙💕🎀 (@hankypankyharlot) on

Below are the links, in case you’d like to purchase any of them. 😀

 

 

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Lenny Kravitz psyched me out.

Normally, wardrobe malfunctions happen to women and I don’t really get all “goo goo gahh gahh” over it all.  But, on Monday… Lenny Kravitz had a show in Stockholm, Sweden where he literally, “Rocked out with his cock out”.   He apparently dropped it like it was hot and split his leather pants and out popped his penis.

NSFW after cut….

Continue reading Lenny Kravitz psyched me out.

National Handcuff Day

In case you didn’t know, Happy National Handcuff Day!!  I feel like it hasn’t really made a mark but this year it’s standing out a smidgen more with the whole “Fifty shades of grey” fad goin’ around.   So! Make sure you celebrate today and bust out those handcuffs and restraints tonight!

Here are a few of my favorites…. keep in mind i’m fabulously vanilla lol

 

fyi: Sex Store employees don’t judge you

Working in an adult store, nothing really shocks you.

I get asked the same questions OVER and OVer again, “I bet you see some really interesting/creepy/weird people in here?” or “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen while working?” or anything of that nature. ((FYI… don’t go into an adult store and ask this… it gets reeeeally old haha))  It’s like people, automatically assume, we get all the creepers in the world that come in and people only buy the weirdest shit.

Then, I think. .. and not one single moment or person pops up in my head of “crazy” or “weird”.   I’ve turned to my coworkers for help when asked these things before and we have a hard time coming up with stuff.  Sometimes, it’s almost as if the “shock value” switch is broken in us.   haha I’m PRETTY DAMN SURE I see some crazy stuff but I never notice because it’s seems normal to me. haha

For awhile, I really began to worry about myself, if I was batsh*t crazy.  of course moments like that passes with quickness.  ;P  I work in an environment that is a bit different, but it’s the same idea… give customer service… educate them on product… sell them shit.  The only difference is the product I sell and my work atmosphere is just waaaaaaaaaay better! 😛

This morning, I read this mini article on this UK kid who only saw all female cashiers and instead of paying his measly £4.50 sex toy, he stole it!

It made me sad!!! Now, i’m wondering how many times a guy has wanted to buy something and hasn’t bought it with me since I’m a chick.  🙁  I know for a fact, my coworkers and I are far from judgemental.

So,  this is to all the sex store patrons out there…

We don’t judge you, don’t be embarrassed about anything you want to buy.  If you don’t know what to buy, or how to use it, Just ask! Our job is to help you, and tell ya about the stuff!  so…

  • If you buy a butt plug… No, we don’t think you’re gay.
  • If you want to buy anal lube… we don’t care what gender you’re putting it in. (we’re just glad you’re using lube instead of spit!)
  • If you’re buying a cockring… No, we don’t think you got limp dick and hell, why don’t you grab a herbal enhancement pill while you’re at it!
  • If you are buying kegel balls… No, we don’t think your puss puss is loose.   Instead we commend you, for thinking about your sexual health!
  • If you buy a huge dong…  we aren’t judging about the size… we don’t think you’re a slut! haha and if you can take in anything bigger than my fist, I think you deserve a gold star! haha

Those are just a few things, off the top of my head but I literally can pick up anything in my store and I can tell you, NO i’m not judging you if you decide to buy it.

SO!  Get over your fears and realize, sex store employees are human too, we are a little less judgemental than most ^_^ and we don’t mind talking to you about the products to help ya out in the bedroom. <3

Adventures in Squirtland

So, why are we going to talk about Adventures in Squirtland?  Well, I was talking to a girl and she was literally mortified to have sex because she was afraid of her squirting ability.  She probably thought she was alone, and even after I told her “it’s no biggie, I do too” I think she didn’t believe me.  So,  S—–  Here is my post to you 😉 I’m not a liar. I know we were short on time, so I’ll write it here.  You wanted a reason why I think it’s okay to be adventurous with your partner when it comes to SQUIRTING!!!

The Last Dragon : Bruce Leeroy GLOWingBecause it’s empowering.  It’s a different feeling and different type of orgasm.  It makes you literally feel like you have “The Last Dragon’s Glow”, all the stress in the world disappears, and you just have a moment of pure bliss.   Think of it this way, when you have an “female ejaculation” orgasm, it’s like your bodies way of high five-ing YOU for cuming!!!… and your partner for being a G and hitting that spot just right. haha

Continue reading Adventures in Squirtland

Magic Wand gave the wrong kind of Sparks

MW_ProductInfo2This past week, porn performer Missy Martinez was doing a scene and apparently was using a Magic Wand with a fellow porn performer when the Magic Wand malfunctioned.

Missy Martinez told TMZ, the Magic Wand’s “handle immediately heated up… sparks flew out of the base where the cord connects to the device.” She wrote the “personal massager’s” manufacturer, to figure out what happened.  I can understand her rage, since it’s related to her career.  She only had minor burns but no valuable parts were harmed, which is a relief.

I’m more curious, which Magic Wand they used.  The article did say it was a Hitachi Magic wand so that means it was an older model that has had some issues with before.  If it’s an older model, the malfunction makes sense.  But, Hitachi isn’t really associated with the name Magic Wand anymore and Vibratex took over that torch. Vibratex gave the old model a face lift, fixed a few of the quirks and dubbed it just the “Magic Wand Original”.   Vibratex  changed the box where it’s not all 1980s throwback looking and now it’s sleek looking.

I hope to know more about what happened. But,  if you do have a magic wand, just remember these few tips from their website. 

For safety, never handle the Magic Wand massager by the cord, and never immerse it in water, or use it in the bath or shower.  Also, do not operate it for more than 25 minutes, without switching it off to cool down for 30 minutes before switching it back on. Please see the user’s manual for complete instructions and safety warnings.

The Magic Wand massager comes with a 1-year quality warranty. For complete technical specifications click here.

“Weeds”| …reminded me to do my kegels.

I was having myself a “Weeds” marathon and loved this part with Uncle Andy. 😛  I love how open and curious he was about the kegel ball weights.


… and then his reaction was just the best.

Do you kegels gals! Prevent and maintain your goodies!

SEPTEMBER! National Prostate Health Month/National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month

This month is National Prostate Health Month/National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month.  I just wanted to be that nagging voice for men, to be a bit more aware of their bodies.  Also, it’s not a bad thing to get checked every once and awhile. 🙂

This blog’s purpose was made for an exploration of sex,  adult products and mainly the awesome part of becoming more of aware of our bodies.  So, of course why not bring to attention the male’s prostate.  A portion of a man’s body that is sometimes forgotten.

Designating a month for the issue serves the purpose of:

  • Increasing public awareness of the importance of prostate health
  • Providing easily accessible prostate health screenings
  • Educating about risk factors and symptoms of prostate related diseases and
  • Advocating for further research on prostate health issues.

<3 take a PSA test! Stick your fingers up your bum! Stimulate your prostate! Love your Prostate! 😛 /cheerleader moment done